Welcome to The Spark Show! In this episode, I’ll be talking about how to stop being insecure. Because let’s face it, everyone has moments where they feel insecure and I wanna talk about where that actually comes from, how to be aware of it, and how to overcome it.
I believe that everything in this world comes from two things, either fear or love. And, when we’re feeling insecure, we’re coming from a place of fear. It’s because we’re afraid of being judged, being rejected, being disliked by others. It’s a totally human thing. We can’t help it, it just happens. We’re born with a primal fear and sometimes it can take over us. Similar to a survival mechanism that gets triggered when we’re in danger, it’s the same kind of fear that can take over when we put ourselves in situations of being judged. Our brain and body sometimes doesn’t know the difference, and that’s where the mind comes in.
It is only with the mind that you can overcome your fears. It is only through cultivating your mindset that you can get over those doubts so that you can continue to take action to do the things you want to do and get to those goals that you want to achieve.
That’s why you hear the most successful entrepreneurs out there talking about mindset all the time because it’s the only thing that drives you forward and helps you get out of your own way. Because, those fears and doubts will get in the way, that I guarantee. There is no successful person out there that hasn’t been insecure or hasn't been afraid of judgment and failure.
First of all, like anything, awareness is the first step. This actually is the hard part because most of us aren’t aware of what we are doing. We’re so busy in the doing, that sometimes we can’t see what we’re doing. For example, you might have a mannerism or something that you always do, and someone points it out to you, and you realize that you do do that and didn’t even realize it until it was pointed out to you.
But, right now, you gotta rely on yourself. So, make a mental note that whenever you feel like doing something and you start talking yourself out of it, you’re going to be aware and know that it’s happening. For example, let’s say you want to work with a brand or a client. You hesitate to reach out because you’re afraid they’ll say no or you’re afraid that they will not want to pay your rate. Those are indications that you’ve shifted into the mindset of fear. It hasn’t actually happened, you’re putting those thoughts in your head even though it’s not real and it’s not even the truth.
So, once you realize that you’re in that space of fear, doubt and insecurity, I want you to be aware of it, one, and then ground yourself with the truth. And the truth is, you don’t know what they’re gonna say. They could say yes, and yes, they can say no. But, the truth is that there is no answer if there isn’t a question. So, the only way to find out is to actually find out.
And then there is the action-taking part and really the challenge here is to let go of any attachment to the outcome. So, being okay with it being a yes or no. Yes, it’s hard, I know. We all want to be liked, loved, and said yes to all the time. But, we also know that life is not like that and if entrepreneurship was that easy, it would be so boring. No one wants to hear the story of the entrepreneur who succeeded, never failed, never overcame any obstacles and it was just so easy for them. That would be so boring.
These challenges are here for a reason. I like to shift the perspective on failures and always say that there are no failures, only lessons. Because, you don’t learn from success, you learn from failures. And, it’s a part of the journey and the process. If you take that away and adopt that perspective, you won’t take it as, “I failed. I’m a loser. I’m not good at anything.” Because again, that’s not true.
We get to choose our thoughts and beliefs. We get to choose what to focus on. And, that’s how to overcome fears, doubts and insecurities, with those three steps: awareness, truth, and shift.
Let’s talk about the instances where this comes up most online and offline. I wanna talk about some common scenarios that come up and how you can use these three steps to overcome those fears and insecurities and ultimately, come from a place of love.
Online, it’s really when you put yourself out there. You might be scared to share your truth, because what will people think, what if someone replies with a negative comment (oh no!), what if people unfollow you? So, let’s be aware that if you wanna be an influencer, entrepreneur or public figure, this is going to happen. There is no one out there that is influential and successful that doesn’t have haters. It’s impossible to do that! Let’s also be aware that there are a lot of people out there who haven’t dealt with their own issues and lash out on others because they don’t know how else to express themselves. So, let’s look at the truth: your intention of putting yourself and your content out there is to help others. The truth is that if your message helps one person out there, then it would probably be worth it and mean the world to you and that person. So, let’s shift this into: I am going to share my story, regardless of what the outcome is, because I know that I can make an impact on someone today. And for me, that’s enough for me to overcome my fears and insecurities and take the action that I know will ultimately get me closer to my goals.
Now, let’s talk about offline, which is a little weird right now because of the pandemic. I’ve been working from home since I started my online business, but, I would go to coworking spaces and sometimes I would get those feelings of being insecure to talk to people. And, it’s the same fears that would come up: maybe they won’t like me or don’t wanna talk to me. But, if you take the same steps as what I talked about in the online situation, it’s actually the same thing. Be aware of the thoughts that come up, ask yourself what is the truth? The truth is people want human-to-human connection right now more than ever. There are so many people who are alone and wish they could have someone to talk to. I know it’s strange with social distancing, but you can always wave your hand or say something to someone six feet away, introduce yourself.
It’s funny how I’m still making friends right now offline even though I just moved to Minnesota. I had some fears and doubts moving here, not knowing anybody and having to make new friends. But, I’ve met people online and offline through the plant community. If you haven’t been following me on Instagram where I’m talking about my new love of plants, you should do that - I’ve rebranded to @heygwenlane. But, anyways, we are human and there will always be a need for human connection.
So, I’ve talked about insecurities, doubts and fears, where they come from and how to overcome them. I’ve also talked about two scenarios online and offline where you can use the steps I’ve shared with you today to get you out of that mindset of fear and come from a place of love. Because, only from that place of love can you create change and a positive impact.
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